i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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