Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
