dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
