i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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