the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize