If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
