so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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