dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
