No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
