you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
