Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
