the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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