morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize