I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i out mim tonsoeep
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
