i just wanna soil my oats bro
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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