It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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