She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
