LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
