dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
