do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
