I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
