tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You ruined the universe
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
