It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
