Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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