I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
