His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
