he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
