i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
