1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
