hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
