i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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