I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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