I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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