Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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