Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
