It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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