I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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