apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
