a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
