The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
