I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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