Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
