Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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