I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
