The maid of honor just puked.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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