I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
