i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
