Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
