I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just want to make out with him forever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
