So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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