Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
