At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
