i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
