I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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