we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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