god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
