She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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