you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
