you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
