I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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