Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize