Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
