i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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